I've gone and put my foot in it again: I've become bored with the endless mundanities of pointless essay-writing, and have gone and done something stupid. You all know that I've made some bad decisions (not relating to addictions in any form) and usually make a move that would generally be seen to be wrong. This is very possibly one of those.


I've started writing a short story set in the War of the Ring.


Why did I do this, you ask? I like writing. I'm not trying to emulate Tolkien in any way, shape, or form, apart from the setting. This book won't conflict with the established events of Middle-Earth, but does include such characters as Imrahil, and possibly Thorongil. I'm considering setting it in the period in which Thorongil commanded an army against the Haradrim, but until then, my opening could be set at any time in the entire war.

Any advice, comments, suggestions, plot developments, character revelations, ideas, recommendations, hints, tips or pointers you may have are welcome.

Without further ado, here is the first part of my story:

Chapter 1
A score of horsemen of Dol Amroth cantered over the hill on the edge of the Pelennor, armour and shields glittering in the noonday sun. At their head was Adrahil, the Prince of that glorious city on Belfalas Bay.
“Hail, friend!” shouted the guard on the Rammas gate, “What events bring you to the White City?”
“The Haradrim have crossed the Poros. Send a messenger to Lossarnoch, and raise the fiefdoms. Quickly, man!”
The watchman sprinted down and out of sight, panicking. Soon the gates were being opened, and at the far end of the long, dusty track the gates of Minas Tirith itself could be seen. The soldier, dressed in the sparkling livery of Gondor, the White Tree emblazoned on his breastplate, stood in the gateway, beckoning them to enter.
As the company advanced down the road, Adrahil could hear the gasps of awe from his men. He had to admit, it was an imposing sight ahead of them: the seven-levelled city of Minas Tirith, the greatest fortress in Middle-Earth. It wasn’t hard to believe it had never been penetrated, nor had any Mordorian army ever even passed Osgiliath, the ruins that had once upon a time been the capital of a prouder Gondor. The farmers and herdsmen toiling in the fields of the Pelennor stopped to watch the valiant knights move past. In the olden days the company would have been four times larger, but the kingdom had been in decline since the last king, Eärnur had disappeared, leaving only the increasingly incompetent line of Stewards to rule in his stead.
They had now reached the high wall of the first level. From atop the battlements a sentry called out. He sounded surprised to see the column approaching. “Hail there, Prince! Are you entering the City?”
“Yes, we are, and you‘d do well to open the gates quickly. I have urgent business to the Lord Denethor.”
A call of “Open the gates!” rang out from the ramparts, and soon the movement of vast mechanisms in the wall could be heard. The Great Gate ground open, its highly decorated leaves gliding apart. Echoes rang out from the stone walls of buildings and houses as the horsemen rode past, hooves clattering on the cobbled road towards the second, open gate. Men and women walked past, most of them elderly. The city’s decline grew more and more apparent as they rode; buildings crumbling, ivy overgrowing its towers and walls. They trotted through each of the city's seven tiers, eventually reaching the sixth level, where the horses were led away to the stables.
Adrahil continued alone to the gate to the Citadel itself, which was located dead centre of the seventh tier. He walked confidently across the Fountain Court, and the guards of the White Tree stood to attention as he passed them. The Citadel Guards moved to open the doors to the Hall of the Kings. The sounds of his boots hitting the glossy marble floor reverberated against the walls and magnified the heavy clomping sound. In the smaller, stone chair by the plinth sat Denethor II, the twenty-sixth Ruling Steward of Gondor.




End Chapter I.....


Edited content four times:
[spoiler]1st time: changing digits to words
2nd time: changing Imrahil to Adrahil. Imrahil does not become Prince for 35 years more.
3rd time: putting in chapter heading, removing "quote" tag
4th time: left out the word "them", but have now fixed it.[/spoiler]

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"Mustard the Rohirrim! We've got to ketchup with those Uruk-fries before they capture the Hornburger!"

I like how this is turning out so far.

One idea is maybe you could have Faramir muster the rangers, to harass the Haradrim while the army assembles.

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Flying is the practice of trying to crash into the ground and missing.

Notes on the story: (to be updated as it continues)

Setting: Gondor, circa. 2985. Denethor II has only been Steward for a number of years. Thorongil (aka Aragorn II) has been gone from the Kingdom for a few years, and Sauron continues to step up his attacks on Gondor yearly. The Haradrim too, have begun to launch larger raids on Gondor, even crossing the River Poros, in preperation for the war that will not come for 30 years more. This is merely a slightly calmer period, but fighting has not stopped for hundreds of years.

Characters:
Denethor II, 26th Ruling Steward (Tolkien)*
Prince Adrahil, 21st Lord of Dol Amroth (Tolkien)
Carathel, Second in command of Dol Amroth
Gelhador, the frustrated doorman


*: Characters from Tolkien's books and notes will have this next to their names in this list, my characters will not.

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"Mustard the Rohirrim! We've got to ketchup with those Uruk-fries before they capture the Hornburger!"

It's very good so far, Ingold. I look forward to seeing how you further devolpe the plot. I'm sure it will be very good once finished

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" I think I'm... quite ready for another adventure!"

Bilbo

I'm working on chapter two. A little bit of leaked info here... Denethor really irritates Adrahil.

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"Mustard the Rohirrim! We've got to ketchup with those Uruk-fries before they capture the Hornburger!"

Looks good
Now I'm quite a lousy writer myself but here are a few points.

Adrahil is a prince in a time of war so he's used to armour,cities etc.
so, perhaps a bit less writing things like glorious city, sparkling livery.

Minas tirith was not the greatest fortress in middle earth (minas morgul had roughly the same size and there are others like barad dur and moria.

Give Adrahil more character by showing some of his thougts while aproaching the city.(maybe a small conversation with one of his bodyguards).

Thanks for the comments guys.





I agree with you on the "more character" front, but as for less description, I fully disagree with you.

I'm trying to create an image of the splendour of Gondor, a nation that has been unmatched in beauty and glory for thousands of years. I need to paint everything in the most glowing terms possible to really give an idea of it here. Rather than saying something like "the mirror was shiny" wouldn't you prefer me to say "the clear mirror sparkled like a diamond as the light hit it"? The more descriptive I am the better, and though a point can be reached when there is over-use of adjectives, I think I should have about 3 adjectives to every 4 nouns. So far, I believe I've hit that quota.

But I will still try to give Adrahil some more character, and make Denethor as grouchy as possible.



Unfortunately, I doubt it will be Faramir, as the year is wrong. At the time you were reading it obviously, you were right, but I've since edited it. If he were to be a character at this point in the story, he would be two years old. Of course, he could still muster the rangers if you want....

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"Mustard the Rohirrim! We've got to ketchup with those Uruk-fries before they capture the Hornburger!"

Sounds good, Ingold. But is my name really that hard to get?

I agree with you, I like the whole thing about describing the splendor of Gondor. I mean, would you get bored of looking at and awing one of Olofer's or Tidoco's miniatures? And Minas Tirith is even more glorious than that! (by just a hair or too)

I still think Faramir should muster the rangers. There might be some *cough* problems with *cough* some men being mad about *cough, cough* being led by a toddler, but.......

I don't remember when the Rangers of Gondor were formed, but I'm 99.9.9.9% sure it was around during Denethor's early days, so the rangers should still attack, even if they're not led by Faramir.

I would definitely like some more character in Adrahil, though. I think he should be the solemn, cool, and stern type, as any dignified prince should be.

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Flying is the practice of trying to crash into the ground and missing.

Chapter 2

“Prince Adrahil, what brings you to the White City?” asked Denethor. He had become far more irritating upon his ascension, Adrahil noticed. He himself had only led the Fiefdom of Belfalas for eight years, but he knew far more of his task as a leader than he suspected Denethor ever would. In spite of this, he knew when to keep his opinions to himself.
“Lord Denethor, I bring grave news. The Haradrim have forded the River Poros, and even as we speak are raiding Ithilien. We need the Rangers dispatched to that area, and a muster of the Fiefdoms would go a long way to promoting safety in that region.”
“Adrahil, I have always respected your decisions as a senior member of the Council of Gondor. However, I am countermanding this suggestion of yours.”
The Prince was astounded. “But... but... but Lord! Who shall defend Ithilien if the Rangers are not there to protect it?”
If he had been surprised before, he was confounded by Denethor's reply. “You will, Adrahil. I believe the Knights of Dol Amroth are well up to the task of defending an insignificant stretch of woodland.” Adrahil attempted to stammer out another response, but was cut short by the Steward once more. “You are dismissed, Prince Adrahil. You will be escorted from the Citadel.”
Denethor’s utter impertinence had stunned Adrahil, and the most he could manage was to open and close his mouth, every word that formed in his head was instantly dispelled. He composed himself, and voiced a respectful “As you wish, my Lord.” He pivoted on his heel and strode from the chamber with as much dignity as he could muster. If he was to be admonished, he would take this insult with good grace and leave at a respectable pace. His feet refused to obey his thoughts, however, and the Guards who had been ordered to escort him struggled to keep up with his fast walk. The sealed the gate behind him as he left the seventh level, and he made the short walk alone to the stables. Denethor was clearly too inexperienced for the job. He was not a young man, but his love of irritating people got in the way of any possible friendships to be made among the various provincial lords.
Coming out at the bottom of the staircase, he could see his men milling around outside the door. On seeing him, they quickly prepared to mount. His second-in-command, Carathel, walked up to him. “How went it, Lord?”
“Not well, not well at all,” replied Adrahil. “Denethor is a fool. Sauron is preparing for war, and he would have us do nothing? He wants us to defend Ithilien, and does not see the point in summoning the Fiefs.” He spoke scornfully. He considered Denethor even worse a Steward now that he'd seen the idiocy with which he ruled Gondor. “Can that fool not realise we are hard put even to defend our own river?” Suddenly he realised his own foolishness. He turned and knocked firmly on the door of the Citadel once more. The Guard was not impressed to see Adrahil again when he opened the door.
“What do you want?” he asked gruffly. This man was also a buffoon: obviously one of Denethor's new appointees.
“In case you had forgotten sir, I am the Prince of Dol Amroth. I will be adressed as such, or you shall find yourself in a very uncomfortable position.”
The Guard rephrased his remark, only slightly less irritatingly. “What do you want, Lord?” It evidently pained him to even speak the las one-syllable word. Adrahil felt no sympathy for him.
“Much better sir. I have some more important information for the Lord Denethor; you will let me past so that I may deliver it.”
“Now wait just a minute, my orders are to keep this door locked to all visitors to the Citadel...” his voice trailed off as Adrahil and Carathel shoved him aside. They jogged briskly up the stairs, and half-sprinted across the Court. The Fountain Court Guards stood to attention and saluted the Prince again. The pair strode down the long Hall of the Kings, and came fact to face with Denethor. He was in a far worse mood since the last time Adrahil had seem him, mere minutes before. Now he glared up at the two men of Dol Amroth, and practically snarled as he spoke.
“What do you want this time, Prince? Come to demand that I help against a band of robbers?”
Adrahil did not forget his manners, even though he was deeply insulted. “My Lord, I beg to inform that the Corsairs of Umbar have raided Pelargir. I have had a messenger sent to the Harlond to prepare the fleet, but I need your permission to dispatch it.”
“Loath to authorise it though I am, I see little choice but to have the ships sent out. You may have the fleet to assist Pelargir. Now get out!” He rose from his chair, darkly clad and impressive: yet his face was lined with the sorrow of a much older man. Adrahil did not argue with him.
“Yes Lord Denethor, at once. Thank you.” He bowed slightly before leaving; Carathel followed suit. As they left from the room at a fast walk, Denethor slumped back down in his chair, tears rolling down his cheeks. Carathel opened his mouth to say something, but Adrahil elbowed him sharply in the ribs, mouthing “echoes”. The younger man nodded in comprehension.
The Prince was perplexed. Why was Denethor so grief-stricken all of a sudden? Had Adrahil known of the Palantírí and their use, he would not have wondered. For Denethor had just returned from the Tower of Ecthelion, where he had gazed into that Orb and seen a glimpse of Sauron's plans. He was convinced that Gondor's hope was diminishing. Did not the unflowering White Tree in the Fountain Court prove that? Alone in the cold hall of the Citadel, the Steward cried.

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"Mustard the Rohirrim! We've got to ketchup with those Uruk-fries before they capture the Hornburger!"

Very nice but give Denethor a bit more wisdom.
This might seem foolish but it is said that Thorongil and Denethor had the same oppinion in most cases (except concerning the friendship with saruman).
And it seems a bit odd that he has already started with looking in the palantir (resisting it's power for more than 30 years? )
Maybe yould change the time to 2988 because then he can grieve for his wife (that gives him another excuse for his stupid behaviour)

After reading your comment I realised the stupidty of having him upset so soon: surely it wouldn't have weakened the Steward of Gondor so easily? But I came up with a solution that doesn't involve rewriting chapter 2. He may have used the palantír and seen a vision of his dead wife. I have no idea how Sauron would have precognition, but let's just call it a plot device. Also, I'll move the year further forward, to late 2987. I don't believe I have the year written down anywhere yet, so it's all good.

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"Mustard the Rohirrim! We've got to ketchup with those Uruk-fries before they capture the Hornburger!"

A nice read ingold, although time consuming. Will watch the thread with interest

James

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[url=http://one-ring.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=50&p=298502#p298502]Corsair's WIP Thread - 03 Dec 12 Update[/url]

Glad to have you along James.

Hopefully I'll be able to get started on Chapter 3 soon... I get a lot of homework at the moment. As soon as it's wrtten and proofread I'll have it up for your enjoyment.

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"Mustard the Rohirrim! We've got to ketchup with those Uruk-fries before they capture the Hornburger!"

I have to admit I'm usually a bit sceptical of people actually being able to do a good job of this sort of thing but having read your story, and very much enjoying it might I add, I'm slightly more open to the whole idea.

Infact I was thinking of having a go at something similar myself but we'll see...


Anyway keep up the hardwork and I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment!

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TO9G - 2010 Isengard

Glad to have you along as well, Elessar.

To be honest a setting wasn't that hard to produce, Tolkien had already named all the main characters and put in the major events, so it's up to me to come up with appropriately named minor characters and say what they did in the unwritten eras.
Carathel I felt was a very Gondorian sounding name, and that's what all of them will try to be. No 'Mikhuyprian's or other bizarre names, all the names will be based on existing LotR characters'.
For events I'll just have the small details inserted... for example we know that there was a Prince Adrahil, and that the Haradrim were already attacking Gondor by 2987, so they might fight a small battle on the River Poros.

I have yet to start Chapter 3, as I mentioned, and I am pretty much making this up as I go along, but you can be sure I'll stay as true to Tolkien's work as possible. No plot conflicts from me!

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"Mustard the Rohirrim! We've got to ketchup with those Uruk-fries before they capture the Hornburger!"

I think you've done a great job of writing these story's... I'm no book kinda guy but i do have the occasional read. I've tried reading 'The Lord Of The Rings' but only ever finished the first book for i find there is way to much description for my sort of books. I like the style of writing & it's done well without the more complicated side of things from Tolkien books.. don't know if that made a word of sense.. anyway I've never been a great fan of people writing story's but you've captured my imagination there.. I also think seeing the film helps a great deal for understanding this.. Well done & i will watch (or read) this thread with great interest. I also think it's just because I'm a great fan of the 'Gondor' side of things & enjoy the architect, masonry & all the equipment.. anyway I'll stop rambling away.

thank you
Drumtastic